A Personal Journey of Liberation
“I never thought I would have a coming-out story. I wanted to live freely, break away from my guardian’s control, and gain independence. For most of my life, I identified as a Deist, but I still attended church, mainly to appease my family. The church also became a sanctuary of sorts, especially for someone like me, an introvert who cherished his solitude and didn’t mind being alone. I improvised my way through life, navigating the pressures of conforming without fully embracing them. Eventually, I was ‘outed’ in church, even though I hadn’t officially come out in my daily life.
That moment left me in conflict because it forced me to confront an identity, I wasn’t ready to declare publicly yet. The church, a place I once thought I’d stay in forever to keep others happy, no longer felt like a refuge. Leaving became inevitable, as I could no longer bear the burden of conforming to compulsory heterosexuality through a heteronormative lifestyle.
Although I never had the typical coming-out moment, I indirectly came out to two of my heterosexual friends. While many LGBTQ+ individuals find this liberating, I don’t. Inside, I still don’t feel fully out. Besides, why should I need to declare my identity to feel free? I’m not here to please anyone. Yes, my identity as a gay man is incredibly freeing, but for me, that liberation does not come from saying, ‘I’m gay.’ It comes from living it, holding hands, kissing the man I love, and pursuing the romance and dreams I hoped for as a child. Sometimes, I wonder if my view of coming out is influenced by my being a writer. In storytelling, there’s always the debate of telling versus showing. For me, telling someone ‘I’m gay’ doesn’t feel as powerful as showing them through affection, love, and the life I choose to live. Until there are legal rights that allow us to express love openly, my coming-out story will feel incomplete.
Coming out, for me, means true freedom, not just telling a select few that I’m gay, but unapologetically loving who I choose to love.”
—Obinna Tony (He/Him), Rainbow Academy Scholar
Every Journey is Unique
Ultimately, coming out is different for everyone. For some, it requires a conversation. For others, it is a way of life. While Tony may not feel the need to announce his identity, he chooses to live it fully. Whether through words or actions, how we choose to live our truth is personal and powerful.
We’d love to hear from you! What does coming out mean to you? Share your story, thoughts, or reflections in the comments on our social media
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