The Conversations You Can’t Ignore
If you’ve been following LGBTQ+ conversations lately, you’ve probably noticed a lot of heated debates about identity, visibility, and representation.
More recently, bisexuality has been at the center of these discussions, but not in a good way. Scroll through X (formerly Twitter), and you’ll see endless threads filled with stereotypes:
- Bisexuals are confused.
- Bisexuals are greedy.
- Bisexuals can’t be faithful.
- Bisexuals will always leave you for the other gender
Stereotypes about bisexuality don’t just appear out of nowhere. For centuries, sexuality has been viewed as either one thing or another. You’re either straight or gay, male or female, friend or foe. Society loves binaries. This is why bisexuality is often dismissed as an “in-between phase” rather than a valid identity.
In Their Own Words: Interview with Ìfẹ́
But here’s what these debates aren’t talking about: the human cost. These stereotypes actively push bi individuals into silence, force them to hide, and create real consequences for their mental, emotional, and even physical well-being.We previously discussed bisexual erasure in our previous blog post, but today, we’re taking a deeper look into what these stereotypes mean for bisexual people in Nigeria. We spoke to Ìfẹ́ (this is a pseudonym for safety reasons), a bisexual Nigerian woman, about her experience.
Q: Can you share a bit about your journey in discovering your bisexuality?
Ìfẹ́: When I first came out, I came out as Lesbian. I’d dated men for most of my life, but I wasn’t very happy with my relationships. I realized early on that I was attracted to women, so at 21 I started dating women exclusively for almost 10 years.
Q: Wow. So, when did you realize it?
Ìfẹ́: I realized that I still found men attractive a few years into coming out, but I was already facing discrimination. My mum had told me when I came out as lesbian that it was a phase, so admitting my bisexuality meant facing judgment from both my family and the LGBTQ community. I felt forced to pick one side just to fit in. It took a while to finally say I was wrong.
Q: What stereotypes have you faced, and how have they affected you personally?
Ìfẹ́: People, especially family, think I’m confused, that I’ll eventually ‘make up my mind and find a man to marry.” I know I’d rather settle down with a woman, but no one listens to me. Everyone automatically assumes it’ll be a man. In relationships, I’ve had partners, especially women, worry that I’ll leave them for men. I’ve only been with one man since I accepted my bisexuality, but even he was worried I would leave for a woman. It’s exhausting having to prove that I’m not a stereotype or a cheat, I just love who I love.
Q: How do these stereotypes impact your mental and emotional well-being?
Ìfẹ́: There’s always this pressure to justify my existence. It’s isolating when both straight and queer communities don’t fully accept you. And it’s very frustrating, having to defend myself over and over again. Sometimes, it feels like it would be safer to just call myself a lesbian when I’m dating a woman or ‘heterosexual’ when I’m with a man, just to avoid the backlash. But it makes me feel like I’m ashamed of my bisexuality, which I’m not.
Q: How does religion impact the way people perceive bisexuality? Have you faced any religious-based discrimination or attempts to “change” you?
Ìfẹ́: Sadly, I’ve given up on religion, because it sees me as a sin. I’ve had pastors and even family members tell me that because I can be attracted to men, I should just “choose the right path” and ignore the other part of myself or pray the gay away. To them, my sexuality is a temptation I’m supposed to overcome. Lol. I don’t believe that anymore.
Q: So, what do you think needs to change for bisexual people to feel fully accepted within both the LGBTQ+ community and Nigerian society?
Ìfẹ́: First, the LGBTQ+ community itself needs to stop erasing bisexuality. There’s this unspoken assumption that you’re either gay and in denial, or straight and experimenting. I am personally tired of all the biphobia on Twitter (X). It’s exhausting. We need to be seen as valid, not as “halfway queer” or just confused. Our struggles should be included in conversations about rights and visibility. And of course, the stereotypes, especially the ones about promiscuity need to go. People cheat in all kinds of relationships, so bisexuality does not mean unfaithfulness. It’s an orientation, not a behavior. At the end of the day, what we need and want most is respect, visibility, and the freedom to exist as we are.
Q: If you could send a message to other bisexual Nigerians who feel isolated or misunderstood, what would you say?
Ìfẹ́: You are real. Your identity is valid. You don’t have to hide from your friends and community. Those who will love you will do so. And you are not alone. Your bisexuality is not a phase, not confusion, not greed. It’s simply who you are. And even if you end up with a man or woman, you’re still bisexual. You deserve love, acceptance, and peace.
How Bisexual Erasure Hurts All of Us
When we reduce bisexuality to stereotypes, we’re not just harming bisexual people, we’re weakening the LGBTQ+ community as a whole. If bisexuals aren’t “queer enough,” and trans and non-binary people aren’t, Well, who’s next? Anti-LGBTQ+ groups thrive on our infighting. “Look, even they don’t accept each other!” and, while we harm each other, we’re ignoring systemic issues. Bisexual people exist, and the discrimination they face is real. If we want a truly inclusive LGBTQ+ movement, we need to start treating bisexuality with the same respect as every other identity. This Bisexual Health Month let’s reject these myths and fight for a world where no one has to shrink themselves to fit into a binary.
- We would love to hear your thoughts. Have you experienced or witnessed bi-erasure? Talk to us on social media!
- Share this post to raise awareness about our work.
- Donate to our programs to help us make education and resources accessible for all. Donate Here